It is 3 a.m..
So much for that no late nights, take naps when needed, etc. I needed a nap yesterday afternoon, right about when I was waiting for the doctor to come into my appt. Or when I got home with an hour to spare before having to turn around and head out again. But… I needed to work. So I did. And then I drank caffeine on my way to my evening commitment so as not to fall asleep at said commitment. And now… a late night.
Maybe I slept some in the last four hours or so, but once I realized that I was lying in bed strategizing about how to survive my Friday (which was to include a four hour block of paper work between class and colloquy), and once I realized I had been far more awake than not, I decided to get up and do some paper work so that, should I be incapacitated in the middle of the day, who cares?
I haven’t technically started writing my paper yet. I spent what time I had yesterday (not as much as I hoped) working on taking the myriad notes I had taken and organizing them into a detailed outline thinking this would make the paper writing much smoother. I do not usually write like this… but I just didn’t want to forget anything… and it seemed a wise strategy. In the middle of working this plan, I started to doubt it. Yesterday was a low trust day- if you read my baby blog you know that trust leaked in the midwife department (but was regained by day’s end). But it wasn’t a despair day. Just a “Can I trust this plan I’m working? Can I trust the people around me?” And of course, below these questions, the real one, “Can I trust God?”
Trust doesn’t come easily to me. I have actually demonstrated pretty amazing trust since moving here, most of the time, so yesterday was familiar, but not dreadful.
Here’s the funny thing. At my doctor’s appointment my blood pressure was the lowest it has been in weeks. 100/70. Healthy, like ideally healthy. for weeks now it has been on the high end of healthy- more like 120-125/80. When the nurse told me, I didn’t get it.
Maybe my mind isn’t ruling the day afterall.
I wasn’t lying in bed with racing thoughts though. THAT’S a nice change.
So, plans, schmans.
Might as well put in at least a few hours of work now because I may well be finding a couch to curl up on mid-day.